My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
