Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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