i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
