porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.