I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Porn is love you can see.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
