Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent