Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog