Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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