At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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