We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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