There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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