You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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