i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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