I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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