the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
