Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize