I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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