D3 body, D1 cock
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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