My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
