Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize