Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
