Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
