bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize