Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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