I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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