It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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