man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
