Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
