I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
