Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
