I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
