Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
