the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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