He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
