They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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