Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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