Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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