i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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