So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize