i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
