yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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