apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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