I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
