cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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