is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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