Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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