If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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