there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
