I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
