My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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