you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is the high leading the old right now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
