did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
