Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
