I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
