The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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