My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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