i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
