glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
