He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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