Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
