I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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