Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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