is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
