the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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