I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
