she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
