I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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