just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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