dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
