Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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