What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
