There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
